A week to go...

My due date is fast approaching. The past week has been one of the worst in my life, considering that I normally don't live in a constant state of pain and wakefulness. Not knowing when the baby will get here adds to the stress, and being 45 minutes away from the hospital drives my imagination of a farm birth into overdrive. But, today was a better day. I managed to put on pants, and walk outside. It stormed this morning, leaving green wet vegetation thriving in the afternoon sun. I swear my plants have grown at least a foot taller since I last saw them (About a week ago) and as I slowly walked around my property, I couldn't believe I had not stepped foot outside in almost 7 days. The weeds laughed at me though, tempting me to bend over and try to pick them....I managed a few handfulls before making the treck back inside. Jacob is still dancing away in my uterus, not quite decided on a certain position...I keep telling him that mommy doesn't want surgery so please get in the proper baby position that he instinctualy should get in...I"m not sure if he was listening or not.

I believe I mentioned in my last post the last exciting thing that happend was me falling and ending up in the hospital. Well, add another thing to the master list of things I should mention to a shrink if I were ever to see one....my husband got in a huge car crash a week or so ago...flipped the car over and everything. Do you know what it feels like to get a phone call at 3 in the morning with your husband barely discernable on the other end of the line saying "I was in a wreck...the car is flipped..." and not answering when you are frantically saying, "are you ok? are you ok?" Love is so tough sometimes. It can make you hurt so badly, and make you want to live in a little hole surrounded by your loved ones, not ever letting them get out of your site. At least that's the way I've been feeling lately. It's like I can't trust anything anymore. I'm sure Katrina had something to do with it, but I swear things from my nightmares happen too often these days. But I know that in the end it wasn't a nightmare, because dear husband is sleeping soundly, with one of our dogs in my spot, drooling on my pillow. And he's alive. What would I do without him? Without my family? Without my friends? My pets? My house? I've lost pets, extended family members, even my house. I know one day I will have to experience the loss of those otherthings. I need to stop thinking those awful thoughts and focus on the now, and all that I have in my life, and all the love that I have. Blah blahblahblahblabhalbhalbhalbhlbhlablabhblah. So I make sure to tell the people that I love that I love them....that's all you can really do anyway.