Done and done.

It's been quite a long time since I posted anything to this tired old blog. And now tired old me will attempt to relieve some tension that is threatening to explode out of my orifices if not relieved by writing. Or typing. Or just staring at this glowing monitor.

So, 2008 has come and gone. I already can't remember it.

The last few months have been consumed by my pregnancy and delivery, and now of course, new baby.

It's hard to remember anything else when your whole existence is focused on growing a human.

And yet in this world your whole existence is really just a million chopped-up, processed, robotic motions that are mundanely spit out day after day. Unless you are a rock star. So, your whole existence is really focusing on paying the bills, raising a child, loving a partner, keeping a family together, weeping at death, screaming at stupidity, stressing at work, and abusing your vices.

And yet, as 2008 fades away, I know it wasn't that bad. Their were marriages, and engagements, and promotions, and progress, and openings, and lackings of hurricanes, etc etc etc.

In fact, I would whole heartedly be embracing this New Year if it weren't for the fact that returning to work after 9 weeks off is looming over my achy head. In fact, I only have 3 more days at home with my newest addition before the dreaded return. So, this one little iota of an event in this world has me cringing in the corner like my dog does when the kitten comes in the room. Of course the added fact that I have no one to watch the newest addition is also a little worrisome. Daycares are full, hired helped wants the big change...which I would love to pay, but alas, money seems lacking. And as I stare at my little bean that is cozy in his swing on this night that is now frigid at 33 degrees, I fight back tears (again) because how could mommy leave for 12 hours a day, even if it's only 3 days a week. Physically my body will scream as my breasts get engorged, mentally my body will scream as I have to look into the eyes of drug addicts and assholes while wondering what my baby is doing while these jackasses are wasting away their lives.

Ok, so maybe the hormones have taken control on this night.

Maybe pumping will be easier than I think during a nursing shift.

Maybe we'll get a nanny that who will love our kids as much as we do, but will work for lima beans.

I know I'll get over it. I know things will happen regardless of whether or not I stress out about them. I just wish things could be easier. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution. Or maybe I should just move somewhere that gives mothers a paid year off so they may raise their children.

I raise my imaginary toasting glass to single mothers that maintain jobs while providing a loving environment. I raise it to working preggers, and mothers that had to go back @ 6 weeks. I raise it to women who are trying to get pregnant, or who have lost a baby, who can't understand how I could complain about anything when I can hold a precious life in my arms. I raise it to work places that are mom and family friendly. I raise it to nannies and babysitters who really love kids and love being a part of another family. I raise it to my kids, who I hope can understand why mommy isn't there when they need her.

I raise it to myself, but only to see if it needs to be refilled.