So it turns out I'm pretty content at being a "stay at home mom" I love my little boy so much that I can't imagine not seeing him whenever I want to. Alas, the bills are calling; the hurricane is not an excuse anymore says the creditors, and the stay at home gig isn't paying me anything except gummy smiles and cooings. So, it's time for mama to go back to work. It's been more than 10 months since I've worn a scrub, stethoscope, or ugly white shoes, and I'm nervous as hell about stepping back into a hospital as an employee. Especially since I was a patient at the hospital I'll probably be working at, and it wasn't the fondest of experiences.
On one hand, I can't wait to get back in there, and start learning again; start using my brain again; start helping people again. On the other trembling, shaking hand, I just want to hide in the closet and never challenge myself again.
I guess it's a good thing I really don't have a choice, since I don't consider bouncing checks a fun hobby.
Have you ever read Shel Silverstein's "the what ifs" ?
I have lots of what ifs.
I wish they would go away.
Walking through uncut grass
baby in my arms
his eyes unblinking, staring, thinking
the sky, the trees they are
wonderous to a newborn who
thinks such things
are the most beautiful he's seen.
But I tell him as we walk
if the trees and sky had eyes
they would stare, unblinking, thinking
down toward uncut grass
and see his upturned face and smile-
no contest there at all.
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